When Brenda, my mom, was diagnosed with multiple myeloma about 6 years ago, I became the primary caregiver on what is now known as “Team Brenda.” This team consists of my brother, sisters, aunts, cousins, and any responsible person who was able to help. Many people with different attributes were needed. I knew it would take more than one person to address all my mother’s concerns during her journey.
When my mom was diagnosed, I was working 2 jobs, married, and had 5 kids! But I knew I had to provide the best care possible for my mom, and I knew we needed a team to be successful. My first goal was to figure out who, what, when, where, and how this team would be made up.
Building the Team
Who: anyone who could take over a part of the responsibility and would volunteer to help with the care of my mom. My mom has a big family and did a lot of work in the community and at her church, so many raised their hands and requested to help. I made a list of those people and figured out how they could help on our journey.
What roles and responsibilities can be assigned? You can prepare for many things, but not for everything. You have to be as ready as you can to assign unexpected roles to the most capable or available team member when the need arises. For instance, today my older brother acts as the team leader, not me. And that’s fine. Things evolve, roles change.
When are people available to help so team responsibilities cause only the lightest burden possible?
Where will everything be located? I live 30 miles away from my mom, and most of her doctor’s appointments are within 8 miles of her house. Handling this can be challenging or easy, depending on…
How we make all of this work. With proper planning, understanding, and communication you will be able to handle the logistics of a successful caregiving team.
Divide and Conquer
Ideally, caregiving is a team sport. To divide and conquer means that you have a better chance of preventing some of the pitfalls a single caregiver may experience. You’re less likely to feel overwhelmed or depressed or to lose patience at work or at home. The doctors and nurses caring for your loved one also usually work in teams, and it’s good to mirror that.
I know we were fortunate to recruit so many team members. If you’re not at the same place, do it step by step. Maybe start by asking a neighbor to buy a few extra items when they do their grocery run. And join a support group. If there isn’t one, start your own. The point is to get connected with others who understand your situation and are willing to help.
What Can You Expect from the Team?
So what do you expect from a friend and a family team of caregivers? Team members should watch for any changes in their loved one’s medical condition and communicate anything they notice to their doctors and the rest of the team.
Many home caregivers also do things that used to be done in the hospital by healthcare providers, such as dosing and administering medicines. Caregivers go on doctor visits, make meals, keep schedules, and deal with the health insurance. And researching and processing all the information on a loved one’s cancer is a huge task that can overwhelm any medical student, let alone a patient. Caregivers are needed for this too.
Also, giving emotional support is just as important. We all need to know we are not alone, especially when dealing with symptoms of illnesses or shattered hopes and dreams.
Your love and care are needed to help the patient deal with emotions and make tough decisions. Patients sometimes become depressed and lose sight of their life and treatment goals. It is easy for caregivers to fall into this trap.
Be sure to slow down and take care of yourself before that happens. I now do things for myself when I can, and I’ve stopped running around for others all the time. This gives me the strength to be there for my mother when she needs me.
You can see how taking care of the caregiver responsibilities would be hard to accomplish effectively all by 1 person.
What Is Success for a Caregiver?
Caregiving as a team can help improve your and your loved one’s chances of success. What does success look like for the patient? It’s when he or she is as comfortable as possible on this journey and is able to understand and make choices related to treatment plans and any physical or psychological needs.
What does success look like for the caregiver? It’s when you know you have provided the most effective care you were capable of for your loved one. It’s always difficult to address all the concerns a patient may have during the cancer journey, but it’s less difficult when you can distribute it on several shoulders.
With my mom being one of the most important people in my life, I want to be the best caregiver I can. Success, in our case, started with a team.