Can Cancer Be a Gift?

It was June 2024 when I was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer. It had metastasized as cancerous lesions on my bones from my pelvis up through my spine and lower skull.

My oncologist said, “We need to throw everything at this, as it is very aggressive.” Two weeks later I began my treatment, which consisted of 6 rounds of chemotherapy every 3 weeks, along with hormone injections to be continued every 6 months. I would also have a non-chemo drip immediately and every few months for bone strengthening. I was also given hormone medication to be taken twice a day for the rest of my life.

Emotional Toll

The very first emotions were those of anger and fear of death. I remember coming home after that appointment and walking into the kitchen and breaking down. Hearing the diagnosis made it real. I stood there, frozen, overwhelmed by sadness and fear. “No!” I screamed, pounding the counter. “I don’t want to die. Why me? I love my life too much.” Tim was also crying and saying, “I can’t live without you.” We held each other and cried. After a few days we both reminded ourselves that prostate cancer has treatment options. We just had to take one step at a time. The news was devastating, but the road ahead would bring answers. We needed to remain positive.

Another emotion that I have is the fear that the cancer will come back, especially when getting my blood work every 3 weeks. This fear is known as FCR, fear of cancer recurrence. It also comes up whenever I have a scan, referred to as “scanxiety.” My oncologist said that these fears are natural, but urged me to trust him with the treatment plan he developed and the analysis of blood results and scans. My main coping mechanism is to practice mindfulness meditation, which I have practiced for several dec­ades and which helps me stay grounded and in the present. I also heavily lean on Tim.

Physical Toll

It was after 6 months of treatment that I finally felt the physical toll that my body was experiencing. At first it was fatigue. I found myself sleeping 8 to 10 hours a night, along with some afternoon naps. The other issue I had was that of joint and muscle pain. At first the muscle pain was manageable with an over-the-counter pain reliever. But as time went on, the pain became severe, as if a vise were squeezing my joints and muscles.

My oncologist prescribed a pain reliever, which did not work, and then prescribed a stronger pain medication that did the trick. The pain lasted for almost 8 weeks. I was also taking an RSO oil (Rick Simpson Oil, a very concentrated, full-spectrum cannabis extract) at night to help me sleep, and then I started my day with a pain pill, and then took another one around noon. My thoughts would often go to the dark side. I would ask myself if this was all worth it, but then I would focus on Tim, my family, and friends and keep going. My oncologist was puzzled but knew that the pain would go away. Looking back, it could have been COVID. However, I leaned on my faith and promised my God that if He made the pain go away I would do whatever it was that He wanted me to do. On Valentine’s Day 2025 the pain went away, like overnight. My prayers were answered, but what was it that He wanted me to do?

A Shift in My Attitude

Shortly after Valentine’s Day, I had a very powerful conversation with myself. I could either go down the path of “fear and anxiety” or the path of “hope and positivity.” I of course chose the second path, as I knew I wanted my old life back and that this was the correct path to take. Tim was right there with the same attitude. I then started to refer to him as “my coach.”

I’ve always felt aligned with the 90/10 principle. The idea is simple but powerful: we have no control over 10% of what happens in our lives—the unexpected events, the diagnoses, the delays. But we do have 90% control over how we react to those events. The 90% is where our power lives. Overreacting, in its simplest form, is letting our emotions take the wheel and spin out of control. It is lost energy that should be focused on the issue at hand. There is no doubt that my cancer was a big deal, and it would take a major effort to remain positive about my future. Learning, listening, and leaning into hope is how I moved from that place of fear and anxiety to a space of action. With calm, not chaos. With the 90%, not the 10%.

My Village

Family and friends have always been a big part of my life. They really showed up in those first 6 months. Some had my treatment dates on their calendars and would call shortly after to check up on me. Others would bring us meals to give Tim a break and just sit and visit. Then there were those who prayed for me. All of them were thinking about both Tim and me, holding space in their hearts.

Can Cancer Be a Gift?

It has been 18 months since my cancer diagnosis. I have had over 100 appointments resulting from 2 surgical procedures, bloodwork, imaging scans, and oncology visits. This journey has been nothing short of extraordinary, an emotional period filled with fear, hope, vulnerability, and above all strength. When it all began, I actually started a journal that eventually morphed into a book that I published on Amazon, titled My Dance with Cancer.

My body responded and continues to respond to treatment. While I understand that my cancer is genetically linked, caused by the CHEK 2 gene mutation, meaning that my cancer risk will always be high, I have made peace with that knowledge. I’ve chosen not to dwell on that fact. I refuse to give that gene the power to control how I view my future.

Coming to peace with cancer has not been a single moment of clarity. It has been a process, unfolding slowly over time. It has transformed how I view my life in ways I never imagined. It has given me a heightened emotional awareness and deeper appreciation for every day, every person, and every experience I now have.

Now to the question, “Can cancer be a gift?” For me the short answer is “No!” It is a horrible disease that I would have never asked for. However, it has given me a new purpose in life.

I have shifted from “patient” to “advocate.” My God answered that prayer and showed me what it was I am supposed to do going forward. It is a calling far greater than myself. I have spoken at several large conferences, telling my story. Both Tim and I have participated on a podcast with a local nonprofit foundation that supports cancer awareness. I have been asked to continue doing more of these. We have joined a local nonprofit cancer foundation and will participate in events to spread awareness. I have also become a mentor to those with prostate cancer seeking peer-to-peer support. Finally, I am working on my second book. Life is good!

Final Thought

I refuse to give energy to fear or distractions. I focus on self-care—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I am using all the tools I have developed in my adult life to move forward so that I can be a strong advocate for men with prostate cancer. I now look at my future as my “bonus round,” and I am loving it.