Unconditional love is a selfless form of affection that is given freely, without expecting anything in return. It is a foundational piece of human connection for caregiving and is described as patient, understanding, and unwavering, even in the face of challenges and difficulties.
This cornerstone of trust is established by making someone feel safe and respected as well as loved. It is demonstrating reliability to be there when needed and giving the other person full attention. It can be shown by a nurturing physical touch or by a playful manner finding moments of laughter that can help bring people closer together. These acts of generosity and doing things with an open heart are a source of intimacy that is fundamental to the caregiving relationship.
However, caregivers can experience stress, anxiety, and depression as they try to filter out impatience and resentment in a situation that often takes physical strength and genuine selflessness. Negative feelings may develop that they cannot do anything right or that things just do not go as planned no matter what they do or how hard they try. When caregivers start feeling overwhelmed, have trouble sleeping, become easily irritated or angry, and lose interest in activities they once enjoyed, they need to recognize this as caregiving stress.
At this point, what they need most is to know and feel that someone genuinely cares about them as a caregiver. A call should be made to a healthcare professional such as a doctor, a social worker, or an oncology navigator. The National Institute on Aging has an online resource guide—Taking Care of Yourself: Tips for Caregivers—that can be supportive for any caregiver.
A great metaphor for self-care and self-compassion is “Put your oxygen mask on first.” It is not selfish to take care of yourself. It is necessary!
Sharon S. Gentry, MSN, RN, HON-ONN-CG, AOCN, CBCN, is a champion of people living with cancer and an oncology healthcare provider with over 40 years of oncology care experience.
